All glory be to Facebook. Say what you will about it being addictive and a waste of time. I agree with that most of the time. But it also gives people (read: me) an extra chance to stay in touch with people. I know that writing a “message” on FB is the same as writing an e-mail, but it feels more like a conversation… that goes on for days, but still more informal than an e-mail.
Anyway, I have been catching up with a few folks on the FB the past few weeks. Thought I’d post a snippet of a Q & A we had the other day. It seemed like it may interest a few people who read my blog. Again, for PCVs that read this: don’t judge. This blog isn’t for you, thoughyou are welcome to lookin and think to yourself “man, that guy is clueless”:)
Friend: “What have you learned in the past year? I assume it’s some great life lesson because of the influence of Africa. But really… I am becoming more and more convinced the location doesn’t have to do as much with how a person lives his/her life as it is the decisions we make. Location helps, but outlook is the kicker… So what have you learned?”
My Answer: “Well, first of all let me tell you that going into the PEace Corps, I expected to make a big impact. I am by nature a pessimist and a cynic, but in this case I was extremely idealistic about the change that I could bring about, even though I had no idea what kind of change that would be.
Now that I have been here over a year, I realize that I have indeed made an impact… 95% of the time it’s for the better… However, I will tell you straight up that when I leave in Dec 08, I will have taken much more than I have given. My experience here has been amazing: I have become somewhat proficient in a new language (and a cool one to boot), been given a new “set” of skills in project design and management as well as an informal but firsthand experience in international aid development work… That is pretty priceless, and even if I were to directly save a life by grabbing a kid out of the Limpopo river from the jaws of a croc, I would still say I came out ahead on the deal.
So, do I feel bad about it? No way in hell. I just realized that this is what Peace Corps is about. It’s one big culture exchange, and if you take away things like a new set of values or skills, then that’s a bonus. I wouldn’t say my values have changed, but my priorities have. In some ways I am more selfish: right now part of me can’t wait to get back to the states to do something new and exciting. Part of me would like to stay here for 5-10 more years, because there is a lot of work to do and little time and resources to do it. But I know now that even though I want to be comfortable in my life, I am not driven by money. I would be perfectly ok with being a high school history teacher as long as i knew as I was doing a good job and affecting some sort of change, no matter how small it is.”
[This is the part i like most]
“It’s been an interesting year. A lot of finding out what I think about things. You encounter something like a dirty, scabby homeless man asking you for money near your house. He is obviously NOT faking it. So, do you give him a few coins (you can definitely afford to) or do you refuse on principal because he only asks white people? Before I came here, I would’ve said “of course, give him the money”. Now I lie to him and say “sorry old man, I have no change to spare” even if there is change rattling in my pocket as I walk by (I blame the noise on the jingle of my keys).
“I am not about to start that cycle of walking to work every day and confronted by one man the first day, then two, every day until either I lose it or have to not carry any change around for the sole purpose that i don’t want to give any of it away.
“It’s a very small example to explain a very large concept: You don’t know yourself half as well as you think you do until you are completely removed from your comfort zone. And I don’t mean “going to church for the day” or “going to a meeting for neo-nazi skinheads” or even “going on a 2 week trip to mexico to build a library”, though I think all could be “constructive” things [yes, even the skinhead meeting] one could do to test their will and learn something new. No, I mean be in a situation where you are held accountable for your every move. And you are an outsider to boot, someone that will never really “get it”. We may think we get parts of it, and I think we do understand certain aspects of Mozambican culture at the end of two years, but there will still be a million unanswered questions that you have when you leave….
“So, all that being said, I have learned a lot about people, about poverty, and most importantly (here’s the selfishness) about myself. I know now that it is EXTREMELY difficult to go for more than a couple weeks without hanging with Americans. I know that there is so much just in the States that I haven’t the faintest clue about (prior to this experience I don’t think I had even ever met people from Oregon, Montana, the Dakotas, or Minnesota). I know that my mouth wields a measured amount of influence, both among strangers and among my friends, and I have hurt members of both groups by my saying the wrong thing at the wrong time… or just the wrong thing, period.
Maybe I would’ve learned all of this had I just gone and lived in another city [in the States]. I’ll never know for sure if “Africa” taught me these things or if I am just growing up (finally). But Peace Corps has facilitated my ability to understand what’s going on, and especially heightened my self-awareness.
And damn if I haven’t rediscovered my passion for cheese! God, I love it so.”
So, I guess that gives you a bit of insight into my state of mind. No, I am not condoning neo-nazis and I don’t despise homeless people. But you get the idea. I wouldn’t read TOO deeply into this, but just think of it as a snapshot of my mindset at the moment, which isn’t really that accurate since my mindset changes quite frequently.
Happy Thanksgiving all. Go Knights (both in Basketball AND Football!)
